Author Archives: Carol Capper

April 22, 2021 · 11:45 am

Bigger Than My Self

Every time I drive by Jamaica Bay 

I look beyond the houses 

at the water’s edge

I look to see the level of the tide

though I really have no need to know

Yet it always feels important just to look.

I notice when the waves cover the reeds

that form small islands just off shore

I check to see if any ducks or geese or egret are about.

I find myself a witness to the mood of the bay,  

watching how the water lies so still or 

how the wind stirs up the waves.

Wondering how the moon can push or pull

the water beyond its normal reach.

I don’t take notes or photographs

I just have pictures in my mind

And I smile

No matter what I find

I feel some reassurance in knowing

that the bay is still there

Even though I don’t know 

where I expect it to go.

It’s a wonder to see it 

every time 

And of course

there’s some comfort too

in the connection that I have

with this place in nature that is so much

bigger than my self.

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April 19, 2021 · 2:32 pm

Spring Haiku

Brown earth opening
yellow, orange, purple
on green stems

White hyacinth
rescued
from the rain

A screen of fog
no ocean view
the sound of waves

Osprey in the nest 
welcome home
Spring!

Dark clouds
become curtains of water
become blue sky

All the things
seventy-three years
and counting

Interestingly
I have crawled inside a poem
and lost my way

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April 16, 2021 · 11:42 am

An April Morning

There is always one Spring morning

when the sky is clear and 

the bluest blue

A day when the air warms 

beyond the usual April cold

when the idea of a beach walk

calls me outside

Then there I am

removing my shoes and socks 

relishing the feel of bare feet in the cool sand

With each sandy footstep I find myself

smiling inside at the thought

that Summer will soon be here

Even the gulls screech welcoming sounds

As I look around at people walking 

seeing kids playing and

dogs running at the water’s edge

I can just feel 

that everyone around me

is also wearing a smile inside this April morning.

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March 18, 2021 · 10:56 am

Deep Down Time

Today I appreciate having some

Deep Down Time

to explore the richness underneath

where I can live through the space

in between my thoughts

I find a fertile ground where

thoughts and words emerge

like a giving back

after all that’s been taken in

and tended to like a gardener would

Though I can never be sure

exactly what will spring forth where

and am always surprised when

some volunteers show up

What comes might wrap itself into a poem

or provide an intention for the rest of the day

or a project for the days ahead

What I know for certain is that

my connection in these moments

feels true and whole

Not a searching or imagining but

a grounded sense of the path I’m on

even when the outcome isn’t sure

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March 11, 2021 · 11:56 am

In These Times

Today we are all preoccupied with 

The Before Times

Hoping to get transported back there

Wherever there might be

Some of us are even longing for 

The Far Back Times

Of course those memories are often 

based on hearsay

We are in fact still in The Pandemic Times

though seeming to work our way out

And then there’s the continuing

Racial Injustice Times

And also the Burning Times leading to the 

Misogynistic Times

And now The Climate Crisis And Time of

The Sixth Extinction 

We don’t have Time to be longing for the

Far Back Times or even

The Before Times

What we must do is see where we are now

And choose what we want our

Next Time to be

As individual souls

And soulful communities

And soul searching societies

Our Time is here

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March 4, 2021 · 1:49 pm

Whiteness Undone

Whiteness is a power source

It’s a category we don’t choose but emerge into

A label that separates as it was designed to do

and blinds many of us to the harm it does.

What does it mean to unplug ourselves from whiteness?

Is it possible for each of us on our own to do this

or undo this as it were?

Seems either we assume whiteness is simply The Reality

or we fear losing Power if we turn away from its legacy.

What I wonder most is not so much

how we choose our way out of whiteness

It’s instead the why of it that worries me

Business as usual is a comfortable route

and keeps our focus narrow on the day to day

We need the bigger picture

the one that shows us that you can’t just be anti racist

you can’t just pretend that white supremacy doesn’t apply to you

you can’t think you way out of whiteness

It’s history that’s grounded you in this

and history that’s been rewritten to make you believe

you are who you think you are.

Who would you be if you were not white?

Perhaps you could be just this body that

descended from ancestors carrying their storied history,

born out of a lineage that survived and thrived

by helping each other along the way.

You can be one among a community of others.

It can be community that holds you to the task

that keeps the ground from caving in

that allows the spreading of new growth

coming into the spring of whiteness undone.

Imagine being held in such a community

and remember this

so you can recognize it when it happens.

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February 19, 2021 · 2:23 pm

Winter Pause

I found myself pausing in the middle of this day

deciding what to do next

And realized that pausing is not something

I generally do

at least not in this way

‘Generally’ means moving from one thing to another

not stopping to look around

or think about what I want to do

There have been years of going and doing

This, however, is the year of slowing and stopping

imposed by a pandemic

on top of aging, cancer and the

slipping of the Polar Vortex

I imagine this is enough to allow a pause,

to welcome a surge of gratitude for this life

unfolding as it is

before taking the next step 

into the next moment

and the tomorrow after that

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February 16, 2021 · 12:00 pm

Clarity and Distraction

Reassuring to sit in meditation and have 

the lens of your mind clear

Not that it happens every time

But today Clarity stepped out

and showed Distraction to the door

Have you met Distraction?

A rather jumpy character she is,

not wanting to settle in one place 

or stay quiet for very long

She also gives more energy to some

rather than others, making them seem

more serious or dangerous or true

When they are not

But when the rush of life is carrying you

it’s so tempting not to pause and really

look at what Distraction is offering

Clarity on the other hand is like 

the knife that cuts down to the core,

exposing what one’s true intention 

can be

She shows you the simplicity of it all,

making it possible for you to simply

rest in what is

Clarity doesn’t give you the answers –

just the focus you need to find them.

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October 1, 2020 · 4:33 pm

More White on White

Letting go of whiteness

means letting go our identity

Maybe not all of who we are

Just the ground on which we stand

We might have to experience

being groundless for a while

Until we see and feel

Who we really are underneath

all that default whiteness

After all this identifying as white

is in our cells

Is in the air we breathe

from the time we’re born 

Hell – even before that!

So it’s going to take 

a kind of rebirth

Not simply a relearning

It won’t be easy going

It will require effort and

supporting one another

to remove this cloak of whiteness 

and reveal who we truly are

Hoping all the while

that we can love what we find underneath.

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September 1, 2020 · 2:45 pm

White on White

I searched for poems by white  poets 

on the subject of racism

To close a gathering of white folks who met to talk about race

I found none

All that I found were by Black poets and they were

Tremendously Powerful and Evocative

Why are white folks not expressing such

emotion about our commitment to undo racism

Are we not really committed

Are we expecting Black folks to do all the work

As if racism was their problem and 

They are the ones needing to solve it

Is this another case of having drunk the Koolaid? 

We who identify as white

just don’t see the racism we support

And benefit from 

Every moment 

Of every day

Day 

After day 

After day

We are the ones

who must do the work

and write the poems

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