One doesn’t come to the yoga mat in order to grieve, but grieving is a whole body experience. So, if grief is what’s happening now, then it’s going to be there in every breath, thought, emotion and movement of your practice. Grief has a way of moving in with you, taking over your inner household in a more permanent way than most other experiences do. As it sidles up next to you, it can be almost comforting while it takes the place of the one that is lost or dead or gone.
So, do not expect that you can show up for your yoga or meditation practice alone when grief is in abundance. But know that you can share the experience. Grief can be the cushion on which you sit or the partner that helps support you in tree pose. Imagine that grief is what fills in the empty space left by the one who is gone; it’s what allows you to take the next step in appreciating and understanding the loss. It’s there when you’re crying or cursing or focusing on your practice.
How would it be then to bring awareness to the changes you notice in your body and breath as you move through your practice? Notice what’s different – where there is heaviness or perhaps unexpected lightness. See how muscles hold on – where there’s grasping so tight that it seems as if there will never be letting go. In the passing thoughts and waves of emotion that move to the foreground and then recede, bring attention to how being in the moment supports the whole of you in your practice . Notice feelings of fullness and shifts into emptiness, and then, bring awareness to the fact that nothing remains the same. Ever.
Know that grief may move through you. Doesn’t it make sense to acknowledge that you bring it with you onto your mat? Your body and your breath are the vehicles for moving grief through your cells, and your practice can be what helps shape your experience of loss. There is something wonderful in accepting that you have choices with grieving as you do in other aspects of life. You may choose to sink under its weight or you may choose to welcome it as the partner it can be in supporting you to move forward. You might even be able to do both at the same time – as in those postures that require the balance of opposing energies…
This post is dedicated to Karen Hasskarl who left her family and friends on April 9, 2011.
Thank you, so perfectly expressed and fitting. I first came to Phoenix Rising in deep grief for the loss of my beautiful 21 year old son. How would I have survived without my yoga practice? Without that place of support and sustenance than allowed me to take the next step and draw the next breath, to connect with my inner resilience while at the same time allowing me to be close to him in spirit. At times, in the circle led by my magnificent teacher Karen Haskarl, I would be aware of the presence of the essence of my son, in my minds eye walking around the outside of the circle and acknowledging the wonderful beings that created it. Grief remains an ever changing part of my life and I choose how to live and breath with it.
Beautiful Carol… as always… well said. Thank you.
Love and Hugs.
Om Shanti
Beautiful, a comforting and rich way to use grief to become more fully human/divine. Thank you. . .
I learned just recently of Karen Hasskarl’s passing. I was shocked to learn in 2017 that my several years of restless wondering about her life and whereabouts were in vain, that she had departed this realm in 2011. I was a close friend of Karen’s at George School, in Bucks County, PA. I remember her warmth and beauty and joy. I have lived a life relatively clueless, simply adding to the days, squandering close relationships, and I felt that Karen would always be an anchor or pivot point in some distant way. Perhaps she still is. Thank you for this rare site, a place to grieve a bit and release a tender thought or two. Morgan Scott Phenix. Stanley, VA